literature

[FoH] Spring Cleaning (Lazarus)

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Literature Text

My, my, what a pigsty.

    What a wicked winter they'd weathered together. The harshness of the freezing sleet left the castle in such shabby shape that even the empress herself had endured enough of the filth. Enough was enough. Clearly, the lady lost lost all sense of sensibility, her temper so normally kept now thrown to the wind. Queen Una had ordered an entire entourage of employees to aid her in her cleaning. And by her cleaning, she meant our cleaning of her castle. That entourage, unfortunately, refers to us lesser minions of the army, forced to resort to scrubbing the halls and dusting the walls of this filthy fortress. I can't claim to blame her, however. Why, even I grew weary of walking into cobwebs whilst attempting to make my way to a meeting or even simply escape the echoing corridors for temporary respite from the sounds of what I presume to be Bokra's songs and cacklings. Such a noisy beastie, that one was. Still, it is not as though I am the type to do such trivial tasks myself. Nevertheless, I shall assist in this - they might not accomplish anything if not for my help. Let us see what our wondrous empress has assigned me to...why, the royal library, is it? How convenient.

---

    The walls and halls of the castle carried the sounds of rushing water spilling out of mop buckets, servants bustling back and forth to clean the spills meant to clean the floors and, of course, the incessant howling of the army's resident hound, Fang. Although Lazarus was certain that he'd heard that winged Wolfos accompany him once or twice as well. Such a spectacular soundtrack. Really, the headache was so appreciated. Perhaps next time they could come with cymbal and timbrels to change it up. Honestly. Was silence too much to ask?
    Thankfully, it appeared as though Una had taken it upon herself to put each and every member to work, not leaving a single section unmanned. What a mastermind, that empress of theirs, splitting each off into teams to increase their efficiency. Such was a way of thinking he could respect. Though he would have appreciated if he had been kept out of the activity entirely. His time truly was all too valuable to waste away wiping the windows or polishing plates. Unfortunately, not a single soul was spared from the onslaught, the Sheikah included. It seemed Reiley and his hungry mutt considered his partner-in-crime kept skulking about the castle towers, no doubt ensuring that no stone went unturned or unpolished. His accursed swine was nowhere in sight. At least those troublemakers should be amused by the portraits strung across the walls. Surely they must have some clue as to why anyone would want to hang pictures of plumbers and dinosaurs in such a dignified edifice. Or perhaps they would only laugh at the picture frames as much as Lazarus had scrutinized and studied them. After his time spent scrubbing the floors - a task entirely unsuited to him, as it were - Bokra was all but ordered to aid that quipping Keaton clean the stables from top to bottom. Lazarus surely hoped he could contain his hunger - horses are a delicacy for him, after all. The bard hoped he knew that there will be hell to pay should he so much as touch a single one of them without tenderness. Beyond Bokra, that horned warrior and his slave-turned-spouse slinked off to the Great Hall. He supposed that was punishment for pointing his sword at King Kravok upon their recruitment into the army. Should have thought twice before threatening one's emperor - it's typically frowned upon in these lands, tiny goat. The Gardens outside of the halls that once held the meeting of the princess and her not-so-charming hero so many years ago were attended to by Dahlia and Inari. The Nymphs assigned to the plants, hmm? How...appropriate. Whilst those two suspicious Twili were sent to serve the royals in their chambers, Oren and Fang cleaned out the kitchen. His only hope was that those two didn't clean out their food supply, as well. He knew how hungry Wolfos could be, and Gorons were no strangers to large appetites.
    And all that was left was lonely little Lazarus, standing centerstage in an empty study. Still, twas no disappointment for one such as he. Solitude was his solace. Besides, the ability to babysit one of the other incompetent peons stumbling around this castle, searching for soap and polish. At least now the peace and quiet he so appreciated was attainable for a time.
    Lazarus and the library, as it were, possessed an indescribable and irresistible bond that drew the two together. There was an inexplicable excitement about this area of the castle that instilled such a sense of wonder, of awe, of intrigue comparable to that of a peasant in a palace. Each of the walls were lined with books blanketed by dust sleeping atop of their untouched covers. He could only dream of the documents contained within these cabinets, filled with information made known only to nobility. Here held the promises of answers, of secrets untold to the world around him, the world that seemed all too keen on keeping him in the dark until the end of his days. Maybe there were more to do here than to tidy up scrap paper and pile up the anthologies. Alas, such snooping must be saved for a different day. Duty called, as they say.
    Lazarus searched the desktop for the parchment his empress had instructed him held his assignment. Let's see here...it seemed the responsibilities included Cinderella's favorite task - sweeping the several dust bunnies scampering about on the musty floorboards - along with the riveting tasks of tending to the lanterns lacking candles and, oh would you look at that, arranging each and every book in alphabetical order by author's surname. Because that surely seemed like such a realistic and accomplishable task to anyone with common sense and a basic understanding of delegation. His gracious ruler would be certain to hear about this oversight at a later time, preferably when she wasn't seconds away from slitting someone's throat.
    With a heavy sigh and no lack of expletives uttered under his breath, Lazarus set straight to work, scanning the selection of compilations and compendiums for the first of his assignments. Picking up a particularly large novella, Lazarus spotted the name scrawled on it with only the vaguest of interests - Abyssion, Lloyd. Lovely. Well, one book down. Three thousand, seventy-eight to go. This was to take nothing short of a century.
    Three replaced candlesticks, two wobbling ladder accidents and way too many replacements and rearrangements later, one sore and sleep-deprived Sheikah slumped against the side of the wall. Thank the Goddesses above, he had done it all, all by himself. This was nothing short of a miracle. If it weren't for that blasted ladder breaking halfway through his shift and almost sending him to an early grave, he would have finished hours earlier. Nonetheless, here he was, alive and able to (barely) stand with all of the work accomplished and accounted for. Every book had a nook, every compendium was in its proper place and not a single speck of dust dared touch the spotless interior of the room. Surely Queen Una would be pleased, if not altogether thrilled, once the news reached her ears.
    It was then that the sound of spectral laugher echoed throughout the halls of the library, its eeriness reverberating off of every wall. Immediately at attention, the Sheikah spun on his heel only to be met with the image altogether unfamiliar to him. Who, pray tell, was this trespasser? Steadying himself, the musician spoke clearly and confidently to the other party present. "I never thought ghosts were the type to spy on us poor, innocent Sheikah. How uncivilized. I don't suppose you wish to reveal yourself?" His eyebrow raised, gaze fixated on the fox-faced mask that covered the creature's facial features. Or whatever such manifestation specters took to appear as though they still possessed the physical aspects of humanity. "I don't take kindly to Keatons sneaking into the castle - you kitties tend to leave the smell of litter boxes wherever you wander." 
    Though he was sure that his words stung her, the woman only extended her hand, sending a piece of parchment out of her sleeve and falling into his hands. Though he cocked an eyebrow, all she did was raise a finger to where her lips would be behind the mask and giggle. She sure sounded pleased with herself. Why, however, was a mystery. With that, she transported herself out from the room and disappeared without so much as a single sign showing she'd ever been there in the first place. All that remained was the document contained in the Shiekah's hands. Peering down upon it, the bard browsed the words, only finding it to be the same assignment sheet that the Queen had handed to them earlier, albeit with one addition. Next to Lazarus' own name now was a name unknown to him, but one whose identity he suspected to be none other than the figure he had just met. The same figure who'd apparently copied this same document, though with the sole exception of excluding her own name - and posted it on the bulletin board for all - including dear Lazarus - to see. The same figure that, through her trickery, had simply sat back and watched as Lazarus finished a workload worthy of two people, laughing all the while. The same figure that Lazarus now swore revenge on.

Clever, my little kitty, truly. But I don't take kindly to cats.
Word of advice: Don't begrudge the vengeful, lest you crave death's second coming.
Never do I ever forget a grudge.

Good luck.
Phew! Done with this with no time to spare.
Poor little Lazarus, going to all that effort only to find that Iris had erased her name from the original assignment sheet. He probably deserves it. Anyways, I hope that was at least moderately enjoyable for you all. Writing a piece centered around cleaning is never the most riveting of tales, but hey, I tried.

To repeat the disclaimer, this is only an interpretation as to what could have happened. We've never had the entirety of Hyrule Castle mapped out for us, so I took some liberties and went with what a normal castle would contain, and threw in some references to the portions of the castle we'd seen in Ocarina of Time. I do hope someone appreciated my reference to the Mario paintings :wink: and the gardens where Link and Zelda first met way back when. I tried to include all of Kravok's Army members (although one or two may have been overlooked - I apologize!) in jobs that seemed to suit them, and I threw in Bokra scrubbing the floors as a nod to Looker's work. If I misrepresented your characters in a severe fashion, feel free to message me privately and I'll do what I can to take care of it.

Word Count: 1645
La
zarus belongs to follyoftheforbidden 
Kravoka and Una belong to the moderators of FallOfHyrule 
All of the mentioned members of Kravok's Army belong to their respective owners
© 2016 - 2024 follyoftheforbidden
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Nebeaula's avatar
This was too legit xDDDD I am so impressed with how perfectly you fit everyone into this! And Poor Laz, gettin' tricked like that. xD Can't win uhm all I guess.